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Introduction:

"So there I was. *queue jazz* Everything had changed.. Or maybe It's all the same. Maybe nothing really changed at all? At this exact point in time, I didn't really care. Our work was done and it was good. And then you came back. But that's not where my story begins, no, not at all. I'm not much of a storyteller, so bear with me. It all began in our little village of Northdale."

Prologue

Me and Jemaine had just left the pub after a few pints, and we were stumbling home discussing what our next great adventure should be. Now you need to know that whatever we were doing, we called it a great adventure. That was one of our things. Where was I? Oh yes, little did we know this "great adventure" would be one for the books.

Interior - Home

I awoke from my sleep and looked over at Bret, who was already awake.

click bret - How much did we drink last night? I asked Bret. He didn't have time to ask me, before we heard screams of agony and pain just outside our door.

Outside - Northdale

We went outside and.. well, you know this part, right? We saw our village burning, our friends screaming and begging for mercy. They destroyed taken everything we cared about.

click burning man - Steve, the village barkeep, was burning up before our very eyes.

View of northdale

We ran for our lives, we didn't look back for a second. At one point I swear I could feel the breath of a wardog against my neck, but I suppose that was just imagination. As you may have guessed, we got away.

click view - When we looked down on our little village, there was not much left of it. At least we both were clear on where we had to go. Valverton.

On the road again

road1

Our journey towards valverton was long and hard. heh, long and hard..

road2

We met some refugees from smithsmeade on the way.

Click refugees - they told us that their village, and many others, had been attacked. They also told us the name of the man who had done this. Tak Fujii.

View

We stopped for a moment at the chillwind pass.

click view - It was dark now, really dark, but the view was as magnificent as ever. This was when we realised our next great adventure was to be. We were to write an epic poem about the brave warriors who were going to save Feradon. At this point, we had no idea who these warriors were going to be, and to be honest, I was doubting that Feradon could be saved, but I figured, as long as the poem is finished, I don't care if it's a comedy or a tragedy

Valverton entrance. After nearly a whole day and night of walking, we reached Valverton, the capital of Feradon.

Act 1 - Valverton

Valverton downstairs

Valverton was a city built in stone, eons ago, and was still the greatest human stronghold on Hurg. Bret walked up to the sign to read it. "Please avoid The Lady of The Fountain".

Valverton middlestairs

There was a fountain in the middle, and we heard a bubbling sound coming from the water.

((Fountain))

((A woman emerged from the water. Normally, I would have been frightened, but this lady was immensly beautiful.))

The Lady of The Fountain, she called herself. She told us that there was a new fountain dwelling lady in Valverton, and she asked us to deliver a message to this woman.

(yes --- Bret was not one to say no to a beautiful woman, even if she did live in a fountain, so we continued before she even had the time to submerge again.))

We followed the directions we had been given, to a small fountain in the royal garden. As I looked down into the water, I first saw only my own reflection, but a second later a woman, larger than the first fountain-lady, and not nearly as beautiful. I looked at the note containing the message we were supposed to give her.

"u r ugly bitch who u think u r? ghet outa my hood skank"

I was surprised, and I did not wish to hurt this woman, ugly as she was, but I was not the one who accepted the quest and Bret proceeded to read the note to her, struggling through her terrible spelling. She started crying, but by then, we were already on our way back to the beautiful Lady of The Fountain.

Once back, there was no sign of the beautiful lady. She had, however, left a twig on the side of the fountain, and a note.

"i herd u took care of my bizniz, this is twig is da zephyr blade, u will kno when to use it!")

(no--- I wanted to help the beautiful woman, but Bret convinced me we had more pressing matters)

<><><>

We ventured forth, climbing the mighty stairs of valverton, and seeing the magnificent Core Tower, where King Gaben The Fat sat in his throne.

It was difficult to fathom how man could build such a structure. We had no time for standing around, however, so we continued into the castle.

The throneroom was almost empty and a guard tried to stop us. When we tried to explain the situation, Gaben yelled loudly at us. "Are you bards, by any chance!? I like a story when I eat, which is most of the time." We asked if we could have his audience in exchange for a story, and he accepted.

So we told him the story of the great Tribes battle, when the evil redditonians, with their large organised army filled with famous warriors, fought the fourchanites, a rag-tag band of brothers led by a wolfman.

"It was a hot morning, and the battle began mere minutes after sunrise. The fourchanites fought valiantly but many were killed. Blood and guts had painted the fields and hills on which the battle was fought, and as clouds began to cover the sky, it is said that The Almighty Baker himself watched as they fought. The Redditonians did indeed have the advantage, but as a gift from the god, Mootus the Mighty ran into the battle. He had been away on a scouting mission, but came back just in time. The powerful Mootus swung his sword as swiftly as a dagger but as hard as a mallet. Suddenly, the redditonians began to fall in number. As Mootus continued his onslaught the redditonians fled. This battle, known as the Tribes battle, was the beginning of the end of the redditonian reign."

The king aplauded us and told us we had his audience for as long as we needed. We explained to him about the terrors we had seen. We told him about Tak Fuji. The king was no longer amused. He told us everything we needed to know, how he was the emperor of consolia, the kingdom to the west who Gaben had already fought and beat a long time ago, before Fuji. Then he told us how we were riddiculous to claim that consolia was attacking them, he told us about the peace treaty they had signed, and that the consolians would not dare attack feradonian territory. He refused to listen to our pleas for help, and the guard escorted us out. We were tired, sad, and we had already failed.

Want to get a drink? I asked Bret.

We stumbled through the town, looking for a pub.

What are we going to do now? we asked eachother.

It was then we realised the best idea was to gather an army of smaller factions, a rag tag group much like the fourchanites. The story of an underdog is always exciting, especially if they win. By now, we felt we had stake in the war, because the poem would be better if consolia was beaten.

When we had come to this realization, we stood outside for a bar. Still in the mood for a drink? I asked Bret.

(Yes We entered the lively bar, and ordered a drink each. That's all I remember for a while, and we both woke up outside of town, with medals around our necks saying "Drunken Masters". I found a note in my pocket saying "Ask the Dwarves", and that was enough to convince us what our next destination was.)

(no Bret surprised me by saying that our task was more important than alcohol, but just as I managed to convince him we heard a loud cry. "The end is nigh!" a loud voice yelled.

We turned around and in the alley corner stood a beggar and self proclaimed prophet.

"He shall destroy, and he shall pillage, and the fat man shall do nothing to help us! In our time of need, not even The Great Baker will help us, the one who cooked this planet in his oven of worlds, the one who kneeded the dough that we are made us."

We were about to ask him when he screamed out

"Ask the dwarves!" He then turned around and covered his ears. We realised his advice was as good as it was loud, and we ventured out of Valverton and on our way to the dwarven city of Hammercross, embedded into the mountains in the northwest.

We left valverton, looking back at the magnificent city with a hint of sadness in our hearts.

After a couple of hours of walking we could see the peak of Mount Dorfia, the tallest mountain of the borderline mountains, and the location of Hammercross.

Some time later the air began to chill and we started the ascension.

After what felt like an aeon, we could finally see some dwarven architecture. Since the dwarves tend to keeps to themselves, they rarely build outside of their own cities, so this was our first experience with dwarven buildings.

The dwarven city looked incredible, and we climbed the grand stairs.

We looked at the entrance, and then we looked at eachother. We were relieved that our long walk was finally over.

As we entered we were in awe over the astonishing structures. We had heard about dwarven buildings before, but to see it first hand was an amazing experience. They stared at us with a sense of wonder in their eyes.

We continued up the magnificent stairs towards the throne.

On the marvelous throne sat King Tyrone, Lord of the dwarves and hero of the third war. Again, we explained our situation, and the gravity of the situation. After our long presentation the king looked at us with a dull expression. If you fetch me my soda, I will begin to prepare my army for war.

We will fetch your soda -

We were puzzled by the simple task but did not want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so we quickly rushed off to fetch the kings grape soda.

After we had asked the guards for direction we were on our way, and although the king had displayed his urge for us to be quick, it was difficult to hurry past the grand architecture in Hammercross.

We stopped to take in the view more than once, the place really felt like it was from another world.

We had reached the room the guard had told us of, and on the table stood a lone grape soda, like it was asking us to take it to its demise, as if quenching the thirst of Tyrone was it's sole purpose in life, which, looking back at it, I suppose it was.

We returned to the king, and as true as he said, he shouted for his war ministers to join him. We had just taken our first big step towards building our band of brothers.

Enjoying our victory, we left Hammercross, discussing where to go next.

No, we refuse to take on such a menial task

As we felt insulted by the King's request, we left immediatly, dissapointed in the waste of time.

Outside -

While walking down we talked about where to go next. We considered The Sparklers, the Pikey Canines, the Order of the Confused Turtle and the Bumcove Buccaneers. Eventually, though, it came down to a choise between the Stone Wizards and the Scarlet Witches.

I argued for the Stone Wizards, although their existance was only rumored, it was said that they possessed a power matched by no force on Hurg. Bret, however, wanted us to go to the Scarlet Witches. While the witches did not possess a power near the stone wizards, we knew their exact location, so getting their help would be a lot easier to achieve.

I managed to convince Bret that the Stone Wizards was the superior choise

With Bret a bit grumpy, as he wanted to see a Scarlet Witch with his own eyes, we made our way towards the Horseneck Coast, where the Stone Wizards were said to have their home.

It was quite a walk, but Bret and I kept eachother entertained with philosophy of grand depth.

"Who would you rather sleep with, a mermaid with bottom fish and top human, or the other way around?"

Looking back at it, Bret never gave me his final answer on that one.. Life's funny that way, aint it?

We had finally made it to the Horseneck shore, but there was nothing worthy of note in sight. We began to worry that we had gone all this way for naught. Then we heard a loud humming sound. "Sing us a song of your people, and we shall appear for you!". We both heard the voice in our heads, and we looked at eachother.

Our song went a little something like this:

Suddently, the area was filled with smoke. We could not see anything, and for the first time in our quest, I felt properly scared.

But as fast as it appeared, it was gone. Before us stood several wizards. The myths were true, we could feel the power of the wizards surround us.

"Your song has moved us. Why have you come here?" he asked us. We expalined the situation, which we by then had become exceedingly efficient at. The wizard told us that they had foreseen the invasion from the west, and while they just wanted to keep to themselves, they were frightened that this cause of events would affect them. They agreed to help us, and said that they would travel to valverton in an attempt to convince King Gaben, who had deep respect for the Stone Wizards.

While this felt like a great victory, we knew we did not have any more time to convince any other factions. The Wizard had told us that the consolian army would strike within a few days, and we had to meet with the dwarven troops, because to write a great poem, one has to experience the subject.

We set off to the west, towards The Blood Flats, which was the only way for Tak to get to get his entire army into Feradon.

Bret sang me a sonet about the beauty of the Scarlet Witches, and I was sold. -

Anxious to meet the beautiful Scarlet Witches, we set out towards the Feradonian Pines.

We followed a path through the forrest, following Brets Guide To Places With Beautiful Women, a book he had written a while back. If his sources were correct, we would end up in the camp where the witches spent their days.

We arrived at the location, and were met by a woman of astonishing beauty, I would dare say she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. She introduced herself as Scarlet Johansen, the leader of the scarlet witches, and asked us to explain our reason for coming there.

As soon as we had explained our situation, she let out a great cry. Shortly thereafter, two more scarlet witches appeared, both nearly as beautiful as Scarlet Johansen. Ladies, We ride tomorrow. Tonight I we shall honor our brave messagers the scarlet way.

Following was a number of unspeakable acts, so Bret and I promised to never speak of them again. Trust me, you don't want to know.

The witches let us ride with them, to The Blood Flats, where the dwarves had gathered their troops, and where the battle was likely to take place. While we were happy with our minor victory, I was worried feradon would fall to consolia. Without King Gabens forces, our future seemed bleak.

When we arrived at The Blood Flats the sun was just coming up, and in the vast distance we could see the Consolian Army marching towards us. It wasn't long now, until The Blood Flats would earn its name again.

>if stonewizards=true + dwarves=true

As the dwarves began to ready their weapons, and the wizards were casting protective magic over us all, we heard a trumpet behind us. We looked, and as a godsend came two wizards, King Gaben and his elite squad of well trained soldiers. The wizards ambassadors had managed to change his mind.

There was no time to celebrate however, and as soon as they arrived they also readied their weapons, and Bret and I retreated to a hill to get a good view of the battle.

>if wizards=true + dwarves=false

As the wizards began to cast their protective spells, we heard a trumpet behind us. We looked, and as a godsend came two wizards, King Gaben and his elite squad of well trained soldiers. The wizards ambassadors had managed to change his mind. While this was close to a miracle, I still knew that without the dwarves on our side we didn't match the Consolian Army by a long shot.

 Bret and I retreated to a hill to get a good view of the battle, but I had already started to think of metaphors for death and failure, and bret did not look very confident either.

>if Witches=True + dwarves = true

With the dwarves and witches both with us, we still had high hopes. That is, until we could see how large the Consolian Army was. Needless to say, it was enormous. As the dwarves began to ready their weapons, prepared to die an honorable death, and as the witches called out to their gods, Me and Jemaine prayed to the baker as we retreated to a nearby hill to get a good view of the battlefield.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">>if Witches = true + Dwarves = false

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">With only the Scarlet Witches on our side, we knew we did not stand a chanse. While retreating to a nearby hill to get a good view of the battle, we were already thinking of metaphors for death, failure, misary and pain.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">>all

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">And then it began. At first it seemed like it'd never stop.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">At points, I really didn't want to look, but the poem would not write itself.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">Although, I guess you already know this part...

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">Don't you, Tak?

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">Tak fuji --

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">I only want one more thing from you, Jemaine. Read me the poem.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">Jemaine --

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">Two humble narrators got home from the bar

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">When we woke up we were forced to run far

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">Our town had been destroyed by an evil force

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">And we had to flee, on foot not on horse. We fled to valverton, the city of stone To speak to Gaben, the king in his throne

zephyr-true But first we were stopped by a waterdwelling lass Who asked us for a favour, and we did not refuse When we got back not long time had passed And we were paid in a stick I then doubted we'd use. zephyr-false A lady of a fountain gave us a quest But we refused, our concerns were pressed.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">Inside the city we warned the fat king

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">He asked us for a story, not for us to sing

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">We warned him of Tak, the consolian lord But he did not care, and quickly got bored King Gaben kept eating while throwing us out Now we felt helpless, and began to pout. We still refused to give up, and decided to warn other groups In preperation for the Consolians one million troops.

madprophet-true Your humble narrators met a prophet, so wise he told them of the dwarves, and of feradons demise We quickly decided to go warn the dwarves Because of the message the prophet had seen in the stars. madprophet-false But first we went into a bar for a drink The last thing I remember was the god awful stink We later woke up as champions of beer With a hastly written note saying ”dwarves” So towards Hammercross your narrators did steer Without even stopping to look at the stars

When we got to the dwarves we had no time to spare so we told king tyrone of our business there

dwarves-true Tyrone quickly asked us to fetch him a drink With such an easy mission, we did not stop to think As we returned, he promised us his dwarves and as we left for the cold we put on our scarves dwarves-false The offer was beneath us, so we left in a hurry Out in the cold, with sadness we did scurry.

wizards – true The wizards of stone was our next destination This we decided after long derivation. It was a great, long walk, but we were eventually there And we sang to the stones, and a fog did appear. The wizards decided that they would help in our quest They would also convince Gaben to send us his best We hurried to the blood flats, to see the great fight And climbed up a hill to get a good sight.

witches – true The scarlet witches was next on our list to recruit Their power and beauty was hard to refute

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%">After events that shall remain unclear We took off to the blood flats, with mind filled with fear.

dwarves-true + wizard true The dwarves and the wizards prepared for the fight And in the distance were consolians in sight While they were marching, while we all prepared Came Gaben to fight the threat we all feared With his soldiers, well trained, well equipped and strong Our spirits were high, and we could not be wrong While the battle was bloody and many had died The heroes of feradon could stand tall with pride And so ends the tale of Bret and Jemaine Happily, cheerfully, and with lots of champagne That's how we came to be your humble narrator We'll see you and hear you and smell you later.

dwarves true + witches true The dwarves and the witches prepared for the fight And far in the distance were consolians in sight. As they were marching we were shaking in fright Their army of darkness against our army of light The battle was bloody, we felt the suns heat As the heroes of feradon had tasted defeat And so ends the tale of Bret and Jemaine They all did their best, do not complain That's how we came to be your humble narrator We'll see you and hear you and smell you later.

dwarves false + wizards true The wizards, so lonseome prepared for the fight And in the distance were consolians in sight While they were marching, while we all prepared Came Gaben to fight the threat we all feared With his soldiers, well trained, well equipped and strong But without the dwarves, being optimistic would be wrong The battle was bloody, we felt the suns heat As the heroes of feradon had tasted defeat And so ends the tale of Bret and Jemaine They all did their best, do not complain

dwarves false+ witches true The witches, so lonesome prepared for the fight And in the distance were consolians in sight While they were marching, to the drums of war The witches let out their cries of war The battle was bloody, we felt the suns heat As the heroes of feradon had tasted defeat And so ends the tale of Bret and Jemaine They all did their best, do not complain